


Give Me Your Heart

by jayrayackerman



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29600976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayrayackerman/pseuds/jayrayackerman
Summary: **SEASON 3 & 4 SPOILERS*** Erwin's partner/lover before he passed finds solace in their friend, Levi.
Relationships: Erwin Smith & Reader, Erwin Smith/Reader, Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader
Kudos: 38





	Give Me Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!

When you and the rest of the Survey Corps first stepped on sand you were confused. It was hot but comforting, molding around your feet but soft enough when it got wet, and if it got in your clothes you were screwed for days. You and the other loved it once you learned you could make shapes out of it when it was wet and for the first few days had a little too much fun sculpting with it. You also remembered the way the sound of the waves hit your ears. It was so loud and abrasive but compared to the boom of a titan it felt tranquil as they crashed against the rocks and over your toes as you stood on the beach.

Mikasa was the first one to learn to swim followed by Connie. You were scared and hesitant to learn but when Hange finally waded out in the water with you while holding your hand you felt better and took to the water quickly. You often went against Levi’s requests to not go out further than the rocks for fear of the unknown yet you always pretended you couldn’t hear him over the rocks. After all, Hange was the commander and she seemed to have no problem watching you dive down to the seafloor and pull up whatever shells and rocks you could find so Levi’s requests didn’t hold much weight in this arena. 

On this particular day the weather was perfect. Warm enough that the ocean breeze felt delicious as it glided over your skin. Hange, Levi, and yourself had decided that after days of manual labor the kids deserved a day off and you were happy to join in on that. Being a babysitter and war strategist at the same time could be exhausting. 

You had swam out as far as you could comfortably go before getting yelled at. Those on the beach were still visible enough and you loved to feel the sensation of floating in the water as the waves gently rolled you around. While this was the start of a long and unknowing journey, it felt nice to know that a chapter of history had closed. The Survey Corps were just learning about Marley and what that could mean for those on Paradis but for the first time in years you had finally felt hopeful. So many had lost their lives to get you here and you wondered if they could see you and also found peace that those left were going to see it through to the end. 

Closed eyes were opened as you heard your name shouted by several different people from the shore and you swam in, a little pouty that your moment of tranquility had been interrupted. Sasha met you halfway in the water and pulled you by the hand. 

“It’s him!” She said with excitement, “He’s back!” She pointed ahead and you could see a tall blonde man standing between Hange and Levi. 

He was back. How long had it been since he left? Did he know everything that had been happening in Paradis? Had he heard about Marley? Thoughts raced through your head but you spared no time running to him and jumping in his arms. 

“Erwin!” You said as your voice shook. He held you tightly and kissed your cheek before standing back. He looked exactly the same, like he hadn’t spent months away from the capitol and outside the walls. His eyes glistened and you made him hug you again, wondering how you ever survived without his embrace.  
After you cleaned up and changed into dry clothes Erwin, Levi, and yourself sat in Hange’s tent around her table. You spoke quickly and with excitement as you tried to fill Erwin in on everything that had happened since he left. Hange laughed and said she was worried you had spent too much time with her and were starting to act like her. Levi groaned at the idea and mentioned something about how hell on earth wasn’t Titans, it was being left alone with the two of you. You all laughed at Levi and Erwin’s hand held your own as he brought your knuckles to his lips and kissed them gently. 

Finally you could be with Erwin and not hold it in secret behind closed doors for only a select few to know about. He got to be yours now, and you got to be his. You were done with the hiding and the sneaking around and the whispers. Erwin was here with you, holding your hand and smiling and it was all worth it. Every painful death, every tear shed, every broken bone felt by every person in the Survey Corps was finally becoming worth it. Future lay on the horizon and there was no one else you would rather spend it with then those around you. 

Levi walked around the table and filled your tea cups. You seemed to be enjoying the moment too much to notice and had accidentally swung your arm into him, causing the tea pot to nearly fall behind Erwin extended his hand and caught it. 

“Great catch.” Hange noted. “I’m glad your arm is better, I was worried at first that you were going to have to lose it.” 

Sitting on his right side you hadn’t noticed that his arm was perfectly fine, no sling or bandages holding him together but it looked wrong. Wasn’t there something different the last time you saw him? Wasn’t he hurt?

“Erwin,” you asked, “What happened to your arm?” You laughed as you said it because it felt so silly because you should have remembered and yet it currently escaped you. 

“Hmm?” He asked, looking at you confused. 

“Your arm… what happened to it?” The tent fell quiet and Hange, Levi, and Erwin looked at you with sad eyes as if you were a small child not understanding something. “Erwin, your arm.” You said again and you grabbed it softly. It felt wrong and something was different but you couldn’t figure out why. “Erwin, please, what happened to your arm?” You were begging on the verge of tears now. They didn’t say anything and just looked at you silently. “Erwin!” You cried out once more before a sharp pain in your face caused you to shoot up in bed, blinking to find light in the dark room. You had been dreaming.

_____________________

The water that Levi splashed on you was dripping off your face and your hair and you shivered. “I’m sorry.” You whispered quietly, feeling guilt and shame in the pit of your stomach. It was not the first time he had to wake you up from one of these dreams. Apparently you would cry out Erwin’s name loud enough for most of the barracks to hear it and when no one else could wake you, Levi was the only one willing to take the extreme route and throw cold water on you. It was the only thing that seemed to work just short of punching you and you worried that it might come to that some day. 

Levi handed you a towel and you dried yourself off as best you could. He looked more tired than usual and you wondered if he had gotten any sleep or hadn’t even attempted. His light sleeping tendencies were apparently no match for you. You changed into dry clothes and at Levi’s request went to his room for the rest of the night. Instead of one large bed like you and Hange had, his room had two smaller ones. He seemed to like to keep you close on nights like this in the event he would have to intervene. You didn’t mind as he was normally good and quiet company. The first time Hange insisted you stay with her in her room only to be talked to all night. She had become very interested in dreams since Eren Jaeger had turned into a titan and could see past memories and dreams. You had to tell her on multiple occasions that nightmare did not make you a titan. 

The tea cup was warm in your hand as you sat up in the bed. Levi chose to sit as his desk over paperwork and it did not surprise you that he was choosing to work over sleep. Once winter was over you would all be heading back outside the walls to resume developing a port and railway and he would be back on full babysitting duty. One time you told him that you would look after them instead and he shot back that he was including you with them. For having seen so much pain and death, those kids seemed to still know how to act like teenagers. You liked it and thought it was healthy and Levi rolled his eyes. 

Many quiet moments hung between the two of you and it was comforting. Levi had been your longest friend since joining the Survey Corps and you often felt privileged that humanity’s strongest always tried to take care of you. When they fought the Beast Titan Erwin had made you stay in the capitol with Historia, claiming that you were too much of an asset to lose. You argued that the entirety of the regiment was going and you were the only one staying behind but he demanded you and Pixis remain behind the walls. Days later when they returned you looked for his bright blonde hair in the distance. So few horses were returning and carts of bodies rolled through. 

“Levi!” You shouted at him as they came through the gates. “Where is he?” He knew you didn’t have to say who you were speaking of and his eyes hung low. He didn’t answer and you finally noticed the large white sheet behind him. 

That day and many days after it were a blur. You were a mess and whoever was left of the regiment suddenly knew your secret but you didn’t seem to care. The love of your life was gone. He had faced death many times over so for it to actually happen didn’t seem real. Levi had turned Erwin’s bolo tie into a necklace for you and you never took it off from that moment on. How long had it been since you lost him? Time seemed to stop mattering once he was gone. 

You would often wonder if Levi mourned him. Hange barely kept herself in a better state than you did so it was really Levi that held you two together. It seemed unfair that he was taking care of both of you so well without getting anything in return but that's just who he was. You would like to think these quiet moments the two of you shared were enough for him. 

Eventually you had gotten warm enough to sleep again and drifted off while Levi still sat at his desk, scribbling furiously by the fireplace. It was no surprise to you that when you woke up he was nowhere to be found and decided to get jump started on the weekend chores before the others woke up. Maybe that would even make him smile. 

It in fact did not make him smile as he told you all of the spots you had missed. When the rest of the crew woke up they could tell Levi was in a foul mood and kept a strong distance. Even Hange didn’t interact with him and she was usually the first person to give him shit for pouting. The night approached and your final task was to clean out the fireplace in the dining room before a new fire was made in it for dinner. 

“You’re shitting me, right?” You said as you shoveled the first layer of ash out of the hearth and seemed to immediately be covered in soot. Who made white the scouts color? 

Levi handed you a bucket. “I’m not shitting you but I imagine you’ll probably look like shit when you’re done.” He said and you scowled and flipped him the middle finger. It was an onerous task and when you were finally done you had a thick layer of black ash and soot over basically every inch of you. In his own words you did look like shit Levi didn’t even let you upstairs, instead making you use the downstairs bathroom to clean up. No one liked the downstairs bathroom because the water never got hot enough and had the water pressure of someone dribbling water out of their mouth. 

You ate dinner begrudgingly as the days events had soured your mood. Sasha tried to lift your spirits and you appreciated the effort enough to give her your leftover bread roll. Connie begged you not to encourage her but you couldn’t help it when you saw her eyes well with tears as you offered it to her. Hange seemed to very deep into her notebook and you noticed Levi was nowhere to be found. He typically sat next to you or Hange or by himself but he was usually at least in the same room as him. 

Making an extra plate of food with the scraps left you walked upstairs to find him once again at his desk. He didn’t acknowledge your presence as you put the food in front of him and set up his knife and fork to the side. It wasn’t until you held the bread roll up to his mouth did he finally look at you. 

“I’m not hungry.” He said and pushed your hand away. 

“And I did not want to be tits deep in charcoal today and yet, here we are.” You moved your hand back towards his face before he groaned in annoyance and finally took it out of your hand. Satisfied that you had bothered him into eating, you sat down across from him as he still rifled through papers. From your vantage point it looked like he had hand copied Grisha Jaeger’s journals and was making his own notes in the margins and you wondered if this was the cause for his mood.

“What’s bothering you?” You finally asked bluntly. Levi did not do well with subtleties so you knew to get straight to the point. 

He finally put down the sheet of paper he was holding and sighed. “Months ago I thought our world was ending and this is all that was left us,” he gestured vaguely to the room, “and now there’s this whole other world out there and still… this is all that’s left of us.” He bit the bread roll and looked at you. 

It took you a moment to think what the best response to him would be. For someone with a usually dry outlook on most things he held deeply onto the idea of hope. “You know how you told him to go straight to hell get us out of this?” You asked and knew you did not need to specify further. He nodded. “What if he did go to hell and we’re clawing our way out for him.” 

“If this wasn’t hell there would be better food.” You rolled your eyes and he continued. “Everytime I hear you call out for him the only thing I want in the world is for him to be here. He would know what to do and you wouldn’t be suffering. Armin… he’s just a kid.”

You knew that guilt weighed heavy on him like a lead blanket. It was a thought you wrestled with constantly but to see Armin with Eren, Mikasa and the others felt right. He was brilliant and with your advice you knew he could be a brilliant strategist possibly even better than Erwin. That of course did not mean that you would give every limb you could to bring Erwin back, but it did mean you had accepted the choice Levi made and you had hoped that one day he could accept his own decisions as well. 

You stood up and walked over to his side, leaning down and putting your arms around his shoulders in a half hug. His body stiffened underneath yours but you felt his warm hand on your arm to reciprocate the gesture. 

“Can I sleep in here tonight?” You asked as you stood up and leaned against the desk. He shrugged and gestured in a ‘whatever’ fashion that let you know he was okay with it. The two of you stayed awake for a few more hours before attempting to sleep. The moon was covered in thick fog so it was only the glowing embers of the fire to illuminate the room. Levi seemed unable to sleep as you could hear the rustling of his sheets and frustrated huffs. How was he never tired? 

You must have drifted off but woke up a gentle shaking on your shoulder. “Hmm?” You complained and opened your eyes. Levi stood above you looking thoroughly mad and exhausted simultaneously. 

“It’s not my fault you can’t sleep this time, don’t make me stay up.” You pulled your pillow over your eyes. 

He signed and pulled the pillow from off of your face. “Can I lay with you?” 

You looked at him through squinted eyes and scooted over in the already small bed to make room for him. He had brought his own blanket and laid himself next to you. From the dim lighting you could see his outline and he had laid face up with his arms behind his head. You don’t know what came over you in that moment but you chose to move to him and settle yourself in his side with your head on his chest and arm around his torso. His heart beat remained steady and you felt his arms lower around you with only a few moments of silence before you could hear him lightly snore as he finally fell asleep.

___________________________

The first morning Levi woke up next to you he was confused. He was not confused about waking up next to you, he remembered how that happened completely. He was confused he had slept through the night and the sun was out. The last time he had gotten both a full nights sleep and had slept in beyond the daybreak… he couldn’t recall. The next evening when you had asked to sleep in his room again he had not expected the same luxury of an easy night of sleep and yet, he had once again awoken well rested and even after you. 

“Are you sick?” Hange asked him one morning while slamming her hand into his forehead to check his temperature. 

He smacked her hand away. “I thought not sleeping was a sign of getting sick, not the other way around.” 

“For normal people like me, yes. But for you? I’ve never seen you look less miserable so there must be something going on.” She laughed and Levi scoffed as he watched you from across the dining room. You and Armin were deep in conversation over several large pieces of paper while Mikasa and Eren watched silently. You had really taken Armin under your wing since Erwin had passed as you all knew the guilt that he had felt about being the one chosen. Levi admired the way you challenged and pushed Armin to think deeper and push harder. He was right a lot of the time, but you were always there with an opposition and the two of you would often get in hours long talks about which was the best plan and why. Levi personally hated those nights because him and Hange often got brought into the fold, even after he asked several times to be left out of it. 

Spring was approaching fast and the snow was no longer piling up outside but melting. Hange and the other officers would soon be making a plan to head back beyond the walls to start on the next phase of development. Levi had grown tired of staying inside most of the days and having so many people in such small barracks was wearing on his patience. He realized he would be trading a bed and a comfortable room for a cot in a tent. He also realized that he would no longer have space in a cot for two of you or space in his tent for two cots. 

Along with his general quality of sleep improving, he noticed that the nights you would spend in his room yielded better sleep for you as well. You had only one Erwin incident in months and it was on one of the few nights you had slept in your own bed. Neither of you had talked about or agreed to become his dorm mate but it had just happened on its own after the first night. He would be lying if he said that after the first night he had hoped it would someday happen again. He did not expect it to happen the immediate next day or for the subsequent future. The nights where you slept in your own room were tough. Levi was okay with not sleeping in the same bed every night because it was cramped but having you in the same room at least allowed him to relax. 

It seemed that everyone knew about the sleeping arrangements but it was never mentioned and it didn’t bother the two of you. Sure, most friends did not sleep in the same bed with their own blankets together but Levi figured if the world had already gone to hell he was going to make himself comfortable in it. 

The seasons changed and the regiment would be moving out in the morning despite Levi’s best efforts to push the travels plans another day. Hange must have known his intentions and while she was a good friend to Levi she knew there was no time to be wasted. 

The horses had been prepped for the journey and carts were preloaded with supplies and the barracks scrubbed clean. It would be an easy departure in the morning and yet Levi could feel a heaviness in his stomach. He had waited for you in his room and attempted to distract himself by paperwork but failed as he looked up expectantly at every creak he heard on the other side of his door as he expected it to be you. It had been hours since he had gone upstairs so where were you? 

Quietly slipping down the hallway and making it to your room he tapped the door softly but got no response. He also heard nothing as his ear pressed to your door and opened it slowing. Through the moonlight coming through your window he could see that you were asleep on your bed. You had taken your shoes off but were still wearing your pants and shirt, not having changed into your sleepwear. Part of him smiled at the thought of you accidentally falling asleep. Like everyone, you had been working hard to go back to camp beyond the walls and developing plans with Armin and Hange. The other part of him was disappointed and maybe even a touch of anger crossed his face. It was the last possible evening Levi could have gotten a good night's sleep with you and felt your legs bump against his and listen to your steady breathing but now he would not be able to do that and instead he would toss and turn for hours before the sun finally came up and he gave up. Before retreating back to his room he carefully folded the blanket over your form and you muttered a quiet sound that sounded an awful lot like his name. 

In the morning Levi waited for those to wake and get ready around him. The energy was excited as the older soldiers and some new recruits were antsy to get back to the water. He couldn’t deny that it was a beautiful and perfect day for riding. For safety, Hange took the front of the formation and Levi the back. You were stationed in the middle with the new recruits as your temperament was better with them. On this day Levi would have been hard to convince not to tell every newbie to shut their damn mouths and threaten them with his blade. The brigade had arrived without incident the following day and camp was set up quickly. 

Levi was annoyed that sand had gotten in his shoes after he so carefully tried to avoid it. He was mad that everyone was so loud around the fire. He was irritated that you had barely talked to him all day and instead sat between Sasha and Jean. Going back into his tent, Levi had quickly turned off his lantern before laying in his cot. In that moment he was thankful that the sound of the waves were drawing out the voices along the shore and he sighed deeply. Never in his life had he thought of someone this much unless it was his mother or Kenny. He wasn’t even sure if he had even thought of Erwin this much after he died. Suddenly more guilt washed over him and for the first time in many months hot tears pricked behind his eyelids. Throwing the pillow over his head and holding it tightly he screamed as loud as he could until his throat was sore. 

The scream seemed to help release some tension until he heard your voice from outside the tent, worry in your voice as heard you run towards him.

___________________________________

The waves and laughter were loud in your ears as they adjusted back to the volume. The barracks had been much quieter during the winter but seeing everyone around the fire made you happy. Mikasa didn’t smile but she leaned on Eren gently. Sasha, Connie, and Jean were yelling at each other and you and Hange buried your toes in the sand that had been warmed by the day’s sun. The sky was completed dark but was littered with stars that bounced off the water. The change of scenery felt like renewal and you were happy to have the sun to look forward to. You couldn’t help but wonder what Erin would have thought of the ocean. He would have been a terrible swimmer but you felt like he would have been in love with the way the seafoam danced around your legs on the shore. 

The stars had reminded you of the first night Erwin had finally asked you into his office. Levi had been chosen for captain over you and you spent the whole day fuming. Petra did her best to calm you down but realized you were a lost cause once you started cursing Erwin in your room. Petra had tried to convince you that you were equally as qualified as Levi so it was just a tough choice for Erwin to make and you called it bullshit favoritism. Your fit of rage seemed to make its way to the commander who had called you into his office late in the evening after he had returned from an expedition with Levi and some other members. 

“Sit, please.” He offered and you obliged, suddenly feeling very embarrassed about your outburst. 

“Sir, I’m sorry, I know Levi is the better choice I just-” he raised his hand, cutting off your sentence and causing you to look at your hands and felt hot in your lap.  
“Levi is very talented.” He confirmed but sighed with it “but he is not perfect.” He said before he asked you to look at him and you met his gaze that was not fierce and full of fire like you were used to, they were soft and gentle and accentuated the lines around them. 

“If you will accept it, I would like you to be an officer working with me directly. You’re a talented strategist and skilled with the ODM, it would be a shame to waste that talent.” He clasped his hands in front of his face and was patient with his response. 

You nodded enthusiastically as blood rushed to your face from embarrassment and excitement wrapped together. He had walked you to the door to offer a parting good night after giving you orders to meet him in the morning. Petra was awake and practically bouncing on her bed when you returned to your dorm and she sequeled when you told her the good news. 

“See! I knew he liked you!” She said as she hugged you emphatically. 

“Probably just felt bad for me since I complained so much…” You told her and she waved you off. 

“The way he looks at you in training?” Her eyebrows rose as she said it “He couldn’t make you captain and make it too obvious he wanted to spend more time with you so he settled with an officer. It seems like a good strategy on his part, but I know what he’s up to.” She finished and tapped the side of her head before you smacked her with a pillow. 

That was many months before Erwin had finally pulled you into a kiss in his office and you had wished Petra had been there to talk to about it. 

You were ripped from your memory but the sound of a distant scream that you heard over the waves and the chatter. Hange noticed you sit up and asked what was wrong but confirmed that she had not heard anything when pressed. It was in that moment that you realized you had not seen Levi almost all day and he was not around the fire. It was not unusual behavior for him but you knew something was wrong. His tent was dark and you called his name before entering it.

“Well I’ll be damned.” You said as Levi sat up. His face was tired but he looked intact as there were no titans left on the island to come and attack. “Are you okay?” 

He nodded and you stepped closer to him before moving his feet so you could sit on the foot of the cot, turning the lamp on as you did so. “Where have you been all day?” You asked and reached out your hand that he did not grab. 

“I’ve been working, not having parties with teenagers and forgetting what my job is.” His eyes drew in and must have looked like someone had slapped you. 

“I’m going to give you one more chance to try that again.” You offered quietly. 

Levi sighed and ran his hands over his face before he looked at you. You had known him a long time and knew almost every expression he could make. His eyes were red and you felt like the only way to describe how he looked was weary and sad. 

“Would you forgive me?” He asked softly and looked at his own hands. 

You softened at the sound of his voice that sounded like pleading. “Levi, I would go to hell and back for you.” 

A small smile crossed his lips and he looked at you as he grabbed your hand. “I told Erwin to give up on his dreams and die… there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about that. Now I look at you and can’t help but wonder if I’m asking you to do the same.” 

His hands felt so warm in yours and you held his hand to your heart. “We said we would give our hearts, right?” 

Levi nodded but asked you another question. “Did your heart die with him?”

That was a heavy question you were not prepared to be asked but you mustered an answer anyway. “Part of me died with him, and I think the same could be said for you and Hange. But how would he feel if he had died for nothing? Didn’t part of your heart die with Petra, Gunther, and the others? But isn’t that why we’re still here, because they’re watching us… seeing what came of the hearts they gave.” 

Levi looked at you like he had seen a ghost but did not speak. The quiet fell between you and you only heard his breathing and the sound of the waves. After several moments you finally broke the silence. 

“This isn’t why you’re mad at me though, is it?” 

“You didn’t come to my room the last night we were in the barracks.” He finally admitted and you could tell he now felt ashamed about it. 

“So what?” You asked and a look of pain shot across his face. “It’s not like we can’t put two of these together.” You gestured to the cot you were both sitting on. 

“It would take up the whole tent.” He objected and you rolled your eyes. 

“Being humanity’s strongest doesn't make you humanity’s smartest, huh?” You said as you left the tent to go grab your cot from your own tent. You made Levi move as you unfolded yours and while yes, it did take up the entirety of the tent, you were able to lay close enough to Levi where you could still turn over and bump your knees into his and your arm could rest on his torso. 

He seemed to relax under your touch and you did as well. The last two days of travel were long and it was nice to feel something familiar like Levi’s hand or his warmth. 

“Levi?” You asked gently to see if he was still awake and he replied with a murmur and turned to look at you. “I give you my heart, too.” Placing your hand over his chest you leaned in and finally kissed him, his soft lips parting for yours and you remembered what happiness felt like. Tears began to well behind your eyes and you knew that it wasn’t from sadness but from finding peace. Levi had always been there to hold you together and pick up the pieces. You needed him and knew that he needed you. You had given your heart before but there was plenty to go around. 

Levi broke away from you and wiped the tears from underneath your eyes before putting his own hand on your chest. “I give you my heart.” 

____________________


End file.
